How to Hate Lime Bikes in the King’s or Queen’s English

A Beginner’s Guide

For each step, listen to your preferred recording and then repeat.

Step 1

Lime bikes are not bicycles. They are mopeds.

Step 2

Leaving a large, heavy, ugly lump of plastic wherever you like is not ‘docking’, it’s fly-tipping.

Step 3

Lime bikes are the parakeets of the pavement.

Step 4

My government will proscribe LimeBike, Inc. as a terrorist group.

Step 5

When passing a Lime bike that is blocking the pavement you gotta give it that hawk tuah. Spit on that thang.

Step 6

Fuck you and the Lime you rode in on.

Step 7

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a Lime bike riding over a human face – forever.