With no decision made, no motivation at all, he begins to move towards the nearest of the three bedroom windows and experiences such ease and lightness in his tread that he suspects at once he’s dreaming or sleepwalking. —Ian McEwan, Saturday
I tell you what, I was walking here today and the West End is crammed. There’s helicopters, there’s police, there’s about a million people sort of just milling round, standing round with placards and stuff. I don’t know what they’re doing but they’ve got too much time on their hands. They need a war. —Ricky Gervais, The Ricky Gervais Show
From August 2001 to July 2005, The Ricky Gervais Show was broadcast on the London radio station XFM 104.9. Live from the Capital building, Leicester Square, between 1 and 3 p.m. of a Saturday. Within a year or so of its ending, MP3s found their way on to fan sites such as Pilkipedia. For many of us it was our Goon Show, our Derek and Clive, or what you will, and has been ever since.1 The best place to listen nowadays is the Spotify playlist ‘RSK XFM’. That’s Ricky, Steve Merchant – co-writer of The Office – and Karl Pilkington, ostensibly the producer: Karl ‘The K-Man’ Pilkers. Little Pilkers. Little Baldy Roundy Heady Pilkers. Baldy Pilkie. Little Whingy, Dimmo Manco, as he’s called, his Latin name. Dimmus Mancoid.
The central conceit of the show is that it’s rubbish, or ‘tinpot’, and Gervais lazy. To take a crowdsourced case study, the episode with the most plays on Spotify, S02E09 (19 October 2002), begins like this:
RICKY Doves, ‘Caught by the River’ on XFM 104.9. I’m Ricky Gervais… Steve Merchant… Karl Pilkington, and everything… [STEVE laughs.] RICKY No… I’m gonna be honest with you… STEVE Go on. RICKY Little bit hungover. Don’t feel very well. I don’t know if I’m hungover or still a bit drunk, but I don’t feel– STEVE You sound like you’re still a bit drunk. RICKY Yeah. So what I’m worried about– STEVE But then you do every week, so… RICKY [Laughs] What I’m worried about is… that the standard will slip. [STEVE laughs.] RICKY Yeah? If I’m not right on the ball, erm, and the other thing is I haven’t had a lot of time to prepare the show today. STEVE [Laughs] OK… RICKY So I don’t… and I… and I don’t really… I don’t feel… you know. STEVE A hundred per cent. RICKY Yep. I haven’t done… Karl? STEVE Right… RICKY Look… STEVE Have you finished that sentence? RICKY [Laughs] I… don’t make me laugh because it… it hurts as well.
Steve complains,
What angers me is I kind of hoped that maybe I could have quite a long career in radio, and I sort of feel like I’m… I don’t know, the words ‘sinking ship’ […] spring to mind. […] ’Cause […] Karl, you’re just a chancer anyway. You weren’t even supposed to be on air and we made you into something of a household name, and that’s cool. […] And Ricky’s already a celebrity. He’s got it stitched up. He’s got corporates – he’s got, you know, voiceover work – but I’ve got nothing.
In the same episode they discuss whether Karl would rather be Frogboy, Amploid, or Saddo – each with a different superpower – and after a couple of minutes he appears to be caught in a moment of sober self-recognition: ‘Did that just go out?’ And in a later episode of Series 2, to which I will return, they have the following discussion on air, coming out of Bob Dylan’s ‘You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go’:
RICKY Steve and Karl are arguing about– STEVE But he just goes, ‘You’ve got to keep it slick!’ RICKY Can I just tell ’em what you’re arguing about? Think of this, right? This is the argument. They’re arguing whose fault it is why this show is rubbish. Think of that! STEVE What? That’s a perfect… I think that’s a valid criticism. At least we’re discussing it! You’re just accepting that that’s the case! [RICKY laughs.] STEVE You’re not even trying to change it! We’re ashamed of it! KARL In fact, I remember… remember when we went out about two weeks ago and said we’ve got to, you know, make it tighter an’ that, make it good. [RICKY laughs.] KARL Erm, went out for something to eat. You… you were happy, sat at the table, talking about squids and having to, you know… [RICKY laughs.] KARL …go off with one if you wanted to have a kid. I brought up the topic: ‘Right, what are we gonna do about this show?’ Suddenly you’ve got to go. It’s like, ‘Ah, I think I’ve… I’ve made plans.’ So me and Steve sat there coming up with stuff… RICKY Can I just… No, see, I do… I do acknowledge, erm, quite shamefully, that this is more enjoyable for me to do than for you to listen to. But it’s like, it’s like two hours, sort of, playtime for me. It’s like, erm, you know, the study period […] Even though I’m getting paid for this and I’m meant to be working, it’s nice. It’s cool, innit? [STEVE laughs.] RICKY Not for the listener! But for me. STEVE But the problem is, the only way we can improve this show, Karl, to be honest, the only way we can make this good is if the three of us resign.
But reader, The Ricky Gervais Show is not rubbish. ‘Laziness’ is actually ease. In fact, if it is defined by anything it is defined by ‘ease and lightness’.